Monday, August 22, 2016

Waking Up

I finally woke up last week. At first I thought I had been in a coma for the past eight months, however, nobody noticed my absence, and it seemed to be a rather dramatic diagnosis. Other possibilities: hibernation, suspended animation, or sleep walking. As my family appears to think that I have been present, I'll have to go with the sleep walking diagnosis as I do have a history of promenading at night. 

True story: when we lived in a ground floor apartment (centuries ago), my husband woke up one night, saw I wasn't there and then found the front door open. He caught up with me half way down the street. "Where are you going, Honey?" "Gotta go to the park, gotta go to the park." "Well, why don't you come back to bed now?" "Oh, okay."
Mr. M. is still traumatized... 



Anyway, last year, I signed up for online classes that were interesting and cheerful, and that would take me by the hand and tell me what to do. I put myself on automatic pilot. I got through the last 8 months of Mr. M's life-threatening illness and surgery, stitching away...
...and nobody knew I was sleep walking. 

Finally, last week I woke up early in the morning and felt like myself. I mean, I really felt like myself. I went through a list in my head of the day's activities and felt some degree of pleasure and a reason to get out of bed. 

I pulled out the Pomegranate Tree Quilt, on which I have been mindlessly stitching French knot leaves in the evening. I spread it out on the bed and examined it, wide awake. Oh my, a whole section of weeds hadn't been finished. I attacked the weeds with determination.
I am now eating healthy (no white sugar or flour), doing a yoga routine every morning, and feeling wide awake and alert. I'm thinking about my artwork again as a body of work. 

Indeed, I made myself a journal to finish up all the lettering begun in online classes, so I can get back to fabric and thread. I have a lot of subject matter in my sketchbooks to digest and interpret into fabric.

My new journal begins with a quote by Joshua W. Shank: "Creative people depend on flexibility to an unusual degree, and their personalities show tendencies of thought and action that in most people are segregated. Creative people simply embrace contradictory extremes whereas everyone else learns to develop one or the other."
I'm so glad that I woke up to be able to embrace my contradictory extremes!
May you be wide awake as well.

12 comments:

Connie Rose said...

Welcome back to the world! I know the feeling. I'm just waking up to some newness as well. Enjoy your time, enjoy yourself!

Exuberantcolor/Wanda S Hanson said...

I had a similar experience when my eye tumor was diagnosed 4 years ago. My mind was somewhere else as I cleaned closets and finished items that were promised to other people. I would say it was closer to a year that I was off in that zone, doing things but hardly being present.

I'm glad you have left the previous zone and entered the present.

roccagal said...

Welcome back Nadia so glad things are going well. Hugs

Ms. said...

You remind me that I have been not so much sleep walking but running and obsessing for many months since my own diagnosis....nothing so immediately life threatening (ColLagenous Colitis) but one that requires me to alter my diet and eliminate many foods I love, or have loved rather than take the dangerous and unaffordable medication suggested to control it...and most importantly you remind me that I need to WAKE UP and get back into my body, take better care of it and abandon many props. You are once again an inspiration and the work here is very beautiful.

Linda said...

Good Morning :)

LA Paylor said...

I get what you are saying so well. I see the world through a fog since my beloved standard poodle son was diagnosed with cancer 4 months ago, and left us three weeks and four days ago. I hope it all comes back. You give me hope. LeeAnna at not afraid of color

Bouts Choisis said...

You have been through so many dramatic and traumatic events over so many months recently! It's hardly surprising that you were "sleep walking" through it all. Now you have your husband well again you can both have your lives back and a new start. I love a happy ending/beginning!! Enjoy! Lynnexx.

Magpie's Mumblings said...

So glad you're feeling more like yourself and the creative gene has come knocking at your door once again.

Doris Perlhuhn said...

But isn´t it good how your inner self takes care of you? Autopilot in hard times and waking up when you can stand it. I wish you all the best.
Doris

Mo Crow said...

good to see!

Karen L. Bates said...

So happy for you...I have these spells too but doing better. Take care...eat lots of good whole foods.

Kathleen Murphy said...

You must have needed the rest! I'm happy your happy:)